I Smell Dolls.

You really don’t have to spend too much time with someone to start building a secret language. You usually don’t even have to try. It just appears out of nowhere. Something absurd happens, it becomes an inside joke, and all of a sudden you’re using it in everyday speech with people who haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about.

My wife and I have recently found ourselves using a mysterious phrase that I think is worth sharing. She had to go on a field trip for work, and assist nurses who help SSI recipients go grocery shopping. The individuals she assisted were all on SSI for mental health limitations, and while I mean absolutely no disrespect for them, the people she met had some funny things to say. One person in particular suffered from (among other things) olfactory hallucinations. While walking from the car to the store she declared “I smell dolls!”

“Really?” asked the nurse. “What do dolls smell like?”

“They smell like death!”

Okay, so it’s a crazy thing to say, and it makes very little sense. A couple weeks later, as things just happen; a long day at work, a day full of coffee followed by bar food and beer, and voila. The wife has the unsavory duty of telling me:

“Your breath smells like death.”

“You mean you smell dolls?”

“Yeah, I smell dolls.”

“Got any gum?”