White House vs. The Onion

http://www.madison.com/tct/opinion/column/moe//index.php?ntid=59076&ntpid=2

Doug Moe: Onion bites back at White House

By Doug Moe
October 25, 2005

BROADWAY LEGEND George S. Kaufman once famously observed that "satire is what closes on Saturday night," meaning that not enough people "get" satire.

Of course, Kaufman, who died in 1961, never read The Onion, the satiric humor weekly that started on half a shoestring in Madison in 1988 and now boasts 5 million readers a week - 2 million for the print edition, and 3 million online.

A lot of people apparently get The Onion, but that does not necessarily include lawyers in the George W. Bush White House.

The White House recently sent The Onion a scolding letter concerning its use of the Presidential Seal on the paper's Web site.

The Onion, following Jimmy Breslin's dictum that there is no slight so small it can't be turned into a lifelong feud and milked dry in the service of publicity, has gleefully fired back.

It started on Sept. 28, when Grant Dixton, associate counsel to President Bush, sent a letter to The Onion. The classy thing is that it was written on White House stationery. The not so classy thing is that it was addressed, "To Whom It May Concern."

The letter began: "It has come to my attention that The Onion is using the Presidential Seal on its Web site.

"I write to inform you that use of the Presidential Seal is governed by Section 713 of Title 18, United States Code and Executive Order 11649. In accordance with these authorities, the Presidential Seal is not to be used in connection with commercial ventures or products in any way that suggests presidential support or endorsement. While certain exceptions are applicable to these policies, an organization must seek approval from the Office of Counsel to the President. We have no record of your company seeking such approval.

"Therefore, please remove the Presidential Seal from your Web site immediately. Thank you for your attention to this matter."

On The Onion Web site, there is a picture of President Bush and a microphone, and they are superimposed over the Presidential Seal. Underneath it reads: "The President's Weekly Radio Address," with this note, "The Onion provides streaming of the President's Weekly Radio Address as a public service to its readers."

You can click on the current address and there is also an archive of past addresses. Of course, because this is The Onion, the addresses are actually written by Onion editor-in-chief Scott Dikkers, who also does a fair imitation of Bush's voice when you listen to the downloaded addresses.

But it's hard to imagine anyone thinking they were actually listening to Bush's weekly address.

For instance, consider how Dikkers began one recent address: "It was my sad duty this week to accept the resignation of FEMA chief Michael Brown. He was an outstanding public servant who did an excellent job in a time of crisis. Unfortunately, he leaves his post during a crucial period of rebuilding for our country, and under criticism that his sole experience for this vital post was as a failed Arabian horse judge. It is time to look forward. I will fill this post with only the finest and most upstanding judger of horses. When the lives of American citizens are at stake, only someone with a keen eye for excellence in grooming and carriage is acceptable. Therefore, this week, I named Albert Escanaba as the nominee, a county fair judge from Reed, Nebraska."

The Onion took the White House letter seriously enough to have its Madison lawyer, Rochelle H. Klaskin of La Follette, Godfrey & Kahn, write a letter back, though she addressed it "Dear Mr. Dixon" (the White House guy's name was Dixton), perhaps a shot back at "To Whom It May Concern." Klaskin wrote: "Readers of The Onion know that its incidental use of the Presidential Seal and its complementary parody of the president's weekly radio address are not meant to convey sponsorship but, on the contrary, to serve as political commentary."

Klaskin wrote that no one could think the president sponsors or approves The Onion, pointing to the lead headline in the Oct. 13-19 Onion as proof: "Bush to Appoint Someone to Be in Charge of Country."

Dikkers, the editor, wrote the White House lawyer too, also getting his name wrong.

"Dear Mr. Dixon,

"I greatly appreciate your comments regarding my Weekly Radio Address parody. But I'm surprised the president deems it wise to spend taxpayer money for his lawyer to write letters to The Onion.

"If you have a lot of extra money lying around that you don't know what to do with, here are some better ideas for spending it:

"1. How about a tax break for satirists?

"2. With indictments in 'Plamegate' forthcoming, perhaps a nice going-away present for Karl Rove, Scooter Libby, Vice President Cheney, or whoever the president may be firing. I recommend a subscription to The Onion.

"3. It has recently become obvious that there is need for some sort of federal organization to administer the management of emergencies - a hypothetical 'Federal Emergency Management Administration,' if you will. You could spend the money on that.

"4. Harriet Miers could really use a scholarship to some kind of rudimentary judge school.

"In the event there's any extra money left over after all these projects, then perhaps the president could justify paying lawyers to protect him from comedians."

It's not a lifelong feud yet, but it's a start.