Totally Fucking Clueless pt.1

I suppose it’s time for an update on the ridiculous behavior of the two people entrusted with my care for 18 years. I got a call from my brother with the latest sign of my mother being totally fucking clueless, but let me recap the situation first.

I made it painfully clear that if they could not stop manipulating my life, I would sever all ties with them. Well, that didn’t last too long. Last May SB and I went on a 5,000 mile roadtrip. Part of the reason for the trip was a fraternity reunion at my alma matter, which happens to be about 20 miles away from where my parents and my Nephew and his mom live.

We were on a very tight schedule visiting friends briefly and moving on. At the time my mother was working at the Student Union of my alma matter, so she heard about the reunion. Now I certainly had no intention of visiting my parents. My Nephew was still in school and had soccer on the weekends, so I decided I would see him on the next trip. My manipulative mother however, decided she could get her way by first telling my Nephew I would be in town, and then arranging for him to be at their house the entire weekend I was scheduled to be in town for the reunion. Yeah, that’s a small example of her manipulative atrocities.

I was naïve enough to believe my dad would understand the score. For the last six years I lived with them, my dad’s job was four hours away from our house, so we actually lived in an apartment where his job was, and once a month we would drive back to the house to mow the lawn and all that kind of stuff. We would only be there for the weekend, but now and then my mother would invite friends or relatives over, and my dad would go ape-shit. He’d go on and on about how he had work to do around the house, blah, blah, blah. And he didn’t have time for company. Somehow, he managed to not see the connection to my situation with my Nephew.

My Nephew’s Mom called me at our hotel to explain the situation. She’s a licensed social worker, so she’s not oblivious to our family dynamics. She’s just looking out for her kid, who happened to really want to see me. She tried to arrange a time for me to see my Nephew before he got handed over to his grandparents for the weekend, but prior commitments trumped her efforts. SB and I rescheduled things so we could spend a few hours with my Nephew at his grandparents’ house.

So after we got back from the trip, I sent my parents the following letter, coincidentally written on my birthday.

5/21/2004
I am deeply saddened by your recent actions. I am appalled and ashamed for you. What I am not is surprised. This is exactly what we have come to expect from you. This latest incident is a perfect example of what you have become. It is a clear reminder of your inability to see yourself for what you really are.

In December of 2002 I told you the truth. You may not care to hear the truth about yourself, but hearing it is your only chance for becoming a better person. It is unfortunate that you choose not to listen. Since what I said then is relevant to what you’ve done now, I will remind you. In the interest of my own well being, this is the last time I will make any attempt to help you.

You are selfish and manipulative. Like a barbarian you stumble along with no understanding of right or wrong. You show no respect for your children or their right and ability to manage their own lives. I have nightmares for as much as a week after speaking to you, but you don’t care about what is best for me. You are the worst bully I have ever faced, and you are in complete denial of your brutality. This past year, having no contact with you has been the most peaceful time of my entire life. I believe you desperately need counseling.

I made one simple request in December of 2002. The request itself was of little importance compared to my need for you to honor that request. It was a test. I was trying to convince myself that you could be respectful if handled properly. You failed. After the inappropriate opinions you volunteered about my ex-wife, a request that you not involve yourself in my relationships seemed the best choice. I had hoped it would also teach you to understand boundaries. I failed to teach you anything. You made it through only one subsequent conversation without bullying me. Eliminating my contact with you was the only option left, and it was remarkably healthy for me. I had hope that my decision would finally be enough to convince you that YOU MUST CHANGE. Again, I was wrong.

I did not tell you I was coming to Idaho. This means, you had no right to tell [Nephew] I was coming. It was undeniably wrong for you to do this; wrong and stupid. It was manipulative and selfish. When [Nephew] found out I was coming, I had to choose between his well being and my own. That is a choice you are not mature enough to make. You risked [Nephew’s] health, my health, and my relationship with [Nephew] all for your own disgusting selfishness. This is what you have become. You are blind to all sense of appropriate interpersonal behavior, and you have no intention of accepting any responsibility.

I hope you can find the help you need, and I truly hope you find happiness someday. It will require you to become a better person, but I can no longer help you. I know you naively believe you know what is best, and you believe without question that you are in the right. This is why you need counseling. Please don’t call me; let me dream peaceful dreams. Don’t contact me in any way; I don’t need the reminder. I am happiest without you. Please let me remain that way.

Post continues at: Totally Fucking Clueless pt.2.