If it weren’t for bad luck and stupidity... pt.1

I'm breaking this into a couple posts, because while it's pretty funny, it's just too long for the average blogger's attention span. (myself included)

Vegas was a lot of fun. I love the energy you can only find in a karaoke bar full of 21 year old fraternity men (The casino let them in, so they must be 21 right?). Unfortunately, before talking about any fun, I need to vent about the worst travel experience I have ever experienced.

There is a term in travel research for the phenomenon experienced when travelers behave in a manner far different than when they are at home in their normal routine. Being able to stay up past one’s normal bedtime is a prime example of this phenomenon. My flight out of Vegas was at 10am Sunday morning. During the conference we had mandatory meetings every morning at 9am, but it didn’t prevent any of us from staying out each night until 4 or 5 am. My naïve plan to go to bed early Saturday night was thwarted when a handful of undergraduates convinced me that the best way to avoid missing an early flight is to just stay up all night. We were all having a good time, so it seemed like it would be a shame to sleep through it all.

9:00am
I get to the airport on time, checked in, and grab a bite to eat on my way to the gate. I win $7.50 on a slot machine and decide that is good enough. It looks like my luck is still running hot, until my flight is first delayed, then canceled out right.

In case you don’t know, Sunday is exodus day in Las Vegas. If at all possible, never fly out of Vegas on a Sunday. I learned this that morning, when the shuttle driver dropped us off saying “Welcome to the Zoo.”

10:00am
We all run for the customer service line to find another flight. The wait in this line, while uncomfortable, is nothing compared to what lies ahead. The best America West can do for me is to exchange my 10am flight to O’Hare for a 5:30 Southwest flight to MIDWAY airport. I tend to take morning and early morning flights to avoid waiting in line for check-in and security screening. Since we're flying a different airline, we have to leave the terminal, wait half an hour for our bags at baggage claim, and then return to the check-in line for Southwest Airlines.

This is followed by an internment in the Security screening line, where I discover that I am ‘special’. That’s right, that big ‘S’ on your boarding pass means you go into the special line for a complete pat-down search. As I approach the taller security guard I tell myself, “Look, either you put a big, fat, happy, smile on your face, turn your head and cough exactly as you’re told, or you will be someone’s bitch by nightfall.” I make it through with a minimum of complements to my... er, laptop, and proceed to my gate yet again. This is where things actually start to get ugly.

On to part 2.